Brown, er I mean Black Bag Special

I’ve been trying to think of a clever way of introducing this, but I can’t figure one out so here goes. I can’t ride a bus recently it seems without seeing or (worse) hearing some lady or kid blowing chunks (throwing up to put it nicely)! I have a friend who has what he calls (and I’ve adopted) “Pelf luck” based on his family name, and his inability to avoid bad luck. Murphy’s Law is one thing (you can look up at the sky to tell if you even think you need an umbrella for instance), but “Pelf luck” is far worse. The greatest example that I have about my friend’s luck- at the end of a trip we took to Yunnan province, he caught not only a virus (cold perhaps), but also a bacterial infection.

For me recently I can’t seem to avoid the vomiting folks. I guess it’s a little unavoidable, as the people in this city drive (if you want to call it that) like bats out of hell, desperately seeking better road position at all times and at no concern to anything; cats, dogs, grandmas, ME. I’ll just say it: people here suck at driving. But it’s a new thing for the Chinese to be able to afford a car. I just know I cringe every time I hear a friend say they want to get their license. I then ask where they live, so I know to avoid the area.

PassageMaker to say the least is a bit out there, in terms of the city of Shenzhen. For now (not sure about future subway plans) the only way to get out here is by bus or taxi (and on intern pay 70-80 RMB a day just to get out here in taxi isn’t happening). From my area near Diwang (tallest building in Shenzhen, for about another year before another being constructed finishes up) there are just a few buses that make the trip out to the neighborhood PM is located. To avoid Dongmen (2 lane road b/c of construction of subway, and even crazier drivers, and people) I take a double deck bus. Shenzhen really needs to invest in more of these double ‘deckers’ Like Hong Kong, or get the super extended buses that I’ve seen in Beijing and Los Angeles.

Pelf luck worked against me twice, this morning. I was waiting for the #1 double decker, and it was the 3^rd in line in a fairly long bus stop. So instead of pulling up to the front to see if anybody was waiting (like me), he just pulls out onto the road passing the 2 buses unloading, and completely ignores me running to him (it’s a common practice so you get used to running your butt off to flag ‘em down). That bastard bad man left me out in the heat of the morning/day/night (it’s the same temp. in southern China)

Another bus comes about 5 min. later and I hop on and we head out. Now, besides the constant staring I deal with on a daily basis because; 1. I’m white 2. My beautiful blonde hair and 3. I’m so handsome (to quote the Chinese); there aren’t any seats down below so I go up to the top. I like sitting up there because you get a better view of the surrounding areas, and I like checking out the progress of the subway construction-which is fenced off at ground level. In Chinese buses there are 2 mainstays found in everyone; TVs and little black trash bags-for puking. I had just finished a pretty good breakfast at KFC (better and much more affordable than McDonalds, and there’s just so many boiled eggs and fried noodles that I can handle for breakfast), and literally within 5 min of sitting down this girl grabs up a bag and starts to relieve herself of her stomach inventory. (Side note-I tend to be a reactionary puker myself. Meaning if I see it, hear it, or smell it, I tend relieve myself too. Though I’ve improved this with age-you know like wine)

I’m sitting looking the other way putting my nose in my cologne soaked shirt, but I can’t avoid the cough hacks that people get when they throw up. So I’m just trying to hold it all in, b/c I want my KFC in my belly and not in a black bag special. She finishes, and things appear to calm down. 5 MINUTES LATER this lady behind me starts moaning. And she nearly lost hers before obtaining the bag, and so close to my back! If she did that I think I’d have barfed on her just for the revenge satisfaction. She didn’t but man she’s a noisy chunk blower. She should record that and sell it to recording companies! The smell didn’t help as I’d forgotten about my wonderful fragrance laced shirt.

I can’t really fault them, the roads and drivers are terrible. It would actually make for a great debate as to who is worse-the roads or drivers (taxis usually being the worst). But this entire week on at least 1 part of the trip to work and back there has been someone barfing. I wonder if they would stare at me less if I joined in on the relief efforts of these people!

4 weeks on the job now full time and still going strong. Anybody wanna go to lunch? 😉